why?

i had laser last week and i've blogged about it in my last post. the recovery is kinda taking its own time and it's already been a week and a half and the marks are not gone yet. Unlike the usual ones where it only take about 5 days to clear. The reason of why the recovery is slow, the doc increased the joules from 10 to 12. Okay, i'll remind the doc to stick to 10 on my next treatment.

Speaking of next treatment, on my last treatment, the doctor spotted a few bluish marks on my face and decided that i have another birthmark on my face. WHATTTT ????  i not only have one but TWO birthmark on my face. the current one is PWS PortWIneStain. and the new one is Nevus of OTA. **SIGH**  ALLAH KNOWS BEST. the doctor is going to treat the nevus of OTA on my next trip.

So, since my recovery is slow, but i need to run errands, i decided to go out with my bare face since sunday. Mom drag me to Pasar Tani. I hate being there actually with the crowd and all but i still follow Mak. People gave me a weird look because i still have spots on my face. BUt i didnt really amik pusing.

today, i took kakak to Giant shah alam mall, kakak wanted to buy nuggets and some stuff for her kids. she's going home for raya. While kakak pay for her stuff, i paid mine in the express counter.i only have DIMES juice in my hand. So i paid for the juice and the Lady at the counter put the juice in the plastic bag and handed it to me. my face is a big surprise to her.

Lady : Kak !!! kenapa muka akak merah merah ? Apa akak buat?
Me : ( ARGHHHHH FED UP NYAAA NAK JAWAB !!!!) ooo tak de apa, ni tanda lahir saya, TANDA LAHIR SAYA ( stressing out on tanda lahir )

I really dun mean to be rude but i avoided eye contact, and i didnt want to talk much. As much as it hit me, it got me thinking....

the reality is that, i have a birthmark on my face, a huge red birthmark, i suddenly feel that i am being in denial by wearing all the foundations, 3 layers of stuff on my face ( 1st layer, Moisturizer and BB cream, 2nd layer, stick foundation and green stuff that control redness on skin, 3rd layer the two way powder). Am i being in denial?  or i can't accept the fact that i have a birthmark on my face?

I can accept the fact that i have a birthmark on my face. the only thing i cant tolerate is when strangers stare and ask questions. i think it's rude. Yeas, they don't know and they wanna ask, but i don't like it. Yes, i looked wierd but Masa kat adelaide, No one ever asked me what happened to my face, Not a single person. I tak tipu.

i suddenly ask myself a question, untuk apa pakai foundation tu semua? nak cover the birthmark? to make the skin tone even? mengurang kan CELA di wajah? ( Benci betul bila iklan cream muka kat TV dok kata, "mengurangkan Cela bla..bla..bla..." Haaaihhhhh.... utk siapa semua tu? sebab nak sedapkan mata masyarakat memandang? tak nak banyak soal?

ENtah la... i am asking myself the question. since last week, i felt easy not having to wear any make up. the left side of the face seems to be much healthier with out foundations and stuff. I am comfortable in my own skin. And i don't know why, a simple question from a Lady who works as a cashier at the counter is affecting me THIS much... Apa apa pun, Alhamdulillah, I realise how i looked like, i know how i looked like, and i berpijak di bumi yang nyata.

Other questions that pist me off :

Eh, kenapa mata u kecik sebelah?

Kenapa muka u?

Apsal mulut you senget?

You jatuh ke?

Auntie, Auntie ni cacat ke?


Haaaihhhhhhhh......

-_____-''''''


Sabarlah wahai hati dan perasaan, kerana ALLAH itu maha mengetahui dan memahami, ALLAH yang tahu segalanya. ALLAH yang menentukan segalanya, ALLAH sahaja yang tahu apa yang terbaik buat kita.

Semoga ALLAH memberi petunjuk dan kekuatan pada diri...

That's all, sorry for the EMO entry.