Being a lecturer is my dream job.
Eh.. bukan housewife ke? LOL !! Speaking of Housewife, while I was doing my PhD in Adelaide, I pretty much took care of myself alone. Like Cook, Clean, Laundry, groceries shopping and all. Life is no princess , no chaperone like in Malaysia.
Princess ke? Princess la sangattt. Yeah like in Malaysia, my mom ada bibik which voluntarily help me with my laundry, ironing my scarves and all. My mom make sure that bibik followed me everywhere. Not that she doesn't trust me but M mom got this paranoid thing. So, since we malas nak argue or cari dosa, follow je laah.. Of course Bibik doesnt mind the extra pocket money and top up card hehehehe Eh tadi kata voluntarily... I absolutely had nothing against doing things on my own while in Adelaide. I love to cook, in fact, My mom has surrendered her Chief Cook position at home for me. Bibik usually felt guilty when i cook as she said it is her duty, but i love to cook ,so no big deal. I was also so inspired to become a housewife when I read blogs about SAHM and stuff. Not to mention the housewives I met and became friends with. And another reason is because of Akhirah. I read a book about being a muslimah , a wife and a mother. Because I love to procrastinate while doing PhD LOL !!!, i find reading all the islamic stuff interesting and it made me closer to my religion ( not that I am not close to ALLAH before, but just the regular 5 times praying kadang kadang tak cukup pun).
I then realized that what a small human being I am without my investment in my Akhirah. Stuff I read began to haunt me, like how being a good wife to a husband, constant prayers, give birth to your husband's baby and all, you can choose your way to enter Jannah. And also, by giving birth to a baby, you get a lot of pahala and all that stuff. I began to question why am I doing my PhD when it is only achievement on Duniah. My akhirah is zero. So, I was devastated, I was so down. Allah knows.
The thought of me wanting to become a housewife without a husband is also daunting me. I am not pretty , face wise, not marketable, people dont fall in love with me at first sight. In fact first impression would usually be " geees... what a scary lady" or " geeessss, what's wrong with her face?" or even "Geeessss, is this lady handicapped ?" I don't have a supermodel body either. But ALLAH created me like what I am suppose to be, short, fat and stout , like a Penguin. Hehehehehehe... I don't match a guy's criteria for a wife which would usually be gorgeous, thin, slim or slender. Coming from a Javanese (Bogor) and Iranian from my Father's side, and Indian and Arab from my mother's side, the build up of my body pretty much followed my father's side, short and stubby hehehehe So the guys I usually stumble upon ( Oh ALLAH !! why...why? hep !! Husna!! it is a sin to do that !!!) always look forward for gorgeous , slim and slender ladies to mengorat. So , there goes my chance, down the drain.
So , as much as I want to be a housewife, get loads of pahala with my 'husband' guiding me , doing all the religious things together like my parents did, be a good wife and stuff and enter Jannah, has now gone down the drain.
I had this moment when I was in the middle of my PhD journey, "Maybe I should ran away to the UK, marry a cab driver and sit quietly there and collect my pahala and enter jannah" Hahahaha Crazy kannn.... But then, Allah is Great, I guess, because of my constant crying and praying, it then appears in my heart and mind that, I am a daughter to my parents, and i should serve my parents first, even if my Pahala does not match those married ladies and all. I regained my strength and completed my PhD although being a housewife is still kinda of still on my mind hahahaha . Tapi tak de husband, sapa nak tanggung ? may be i can be those online entrepreneur ke hahaahahaha
Alhamdulillah, I am now lecturing, although just a part timer for the time being, I believed that ALLAH has installed the rezeki and reward for each of us. I am sure there are ups and downs of being whatever you want to be, but if you are happy with it, then that's it. ( i remembered crying in front of Kaabah, praying to ALLAH, asking ALLAH to make way for me to further my Masters (specifically in UiTM with the Young Lecturer's Scholarship and then specifically for me to become a lecturer in Business Faculty of Shah Alam, specifically !!! Alhamdulillah I got what i wanted but there's a price to it).
At the end of the day, ALLAH is great, ALLAH knows best. What ever you wished for, might not be good for you and what ever you think is not good for you might be the BEST. So, I may not stand a chance to be a housewife or become a wife to somebody, but I guess, Lecturing is also noble enough for me to gain all the pahala ( when my students are all good and tak buat perangai hahahaha but when they drive me up the walls, Grrrrrr !@#$%& LOL !!!) and I also a daughter to my parents, remember ? hehehe
