2015 - part 1

2015 is a wonderful year as i achieved most of my target.Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah..

Although i said wonderful, but there's always hick-ups where i take it as Allah's reminder. Like the time after my phd was confirmed but the uni who sponsored me took a long time to take me in. Well, i was actually lucky the finally took me in because the VC of the uni are to be replaced. Goshhh... thank you Allah again because ONLY ALLAH knows what would or could happen then.

Then i graduated, i hope i've made my family proud, parents happy, dad finally got his wish come true through me and i secured myself a job. It is all HaRD work okay. 6 years of struggling to get here. What makes me happy is that, my bosses tend to remember me and my passion for teaching hehehe Maluuuuu... at least they know and remember me laa from my job interview hari tu kann.

Well 2015 is just the starting point. There's a lot more to do and learn in order to make 2016 another milestones.

Too early to conclude my 2015.

To be continued

Dream Job - part 2

Long overdue post abt this , baru teringat nak post 

For the love of teaching
So, Lecturing is my dream job. I am kinda loving what I do now even though it's only just on Part time basis.For the sake of my love for teaching, I've gone through all kind of stupid thing, thanks to the management. There was this one time, I was already teaching 3 classes with 3 different subjects, and suddenly, got a call giving me another class. hahahaha but it's okay, I love teaching. Handling 3 different subject and you only've got a weekend to prepare things... Phew....

There was also a time when I was already given 2 subjects to teach, confirmed with the faculty that's i will be teaching in, prepared scheme of work and planned ( because it was already the 3rd week and chapters are piling up.) All of a sudden, somebody tak puas hati and they strip off the subject from me. Nanges... mana nak bayar bill ni, tak de gaji.... then the following week, they offered me another teaching job which has no taker. Ok lah dari tak de, Beggars are not choosers kan...

So this semester, I've started a new journey,by teaching the Long distance learning (LDL) program or the weekend class. My parents jumped when I told them i took the weekend classes. Parents will be parents.... No matter how old you get...I told them I need money to live my life, to support my expenses and stuff, they said, it's their responsibility to provide those things for me... Now, now dear mummy and daddy, isn't it high time I provide you guys with those things? ;p hehehe. But my dad was also concerned about the working on Sunday. He never approves my University activity on sundays, I used to spend 24/7 in UiTM when i was doing my MBA and my dad will complain "apa ni, hari ahad duduk rumah laaah" hahahahaha

So, the LDL class scares me a little, I was nervous because they could eat me up alive in the class. Hey, they are from the industry, and who am i? just a fresh Grad trying to make a living by teaching. Mcm terasa tak layak je... But , Redah je lah... I was "condifent" ( my definition of redah kasi pecah when the confident level is relatively low) but act cool, I have to admit I am easily irritated when students are late for class especially my Class. Not wanting to naik HANGEN, i kept telling myself to let it go, and it's okay to start class 10 minutes late , but my brain's brain kept telling me, "but there's no time to waste, 2 hours , 5 times per-semester wont be enough. So, I let it go, sudah lah kelas was not equipped with anything at all. No computers, no projectors ( kena gi ambik kat mana entah, lepas tu nak hantar balik, mintak tlg student, kesian pulak dah la penat berkejar ke kelas and all). Sabar aje lah.

Yes, there's a different in teaching full time and LDL students. One not having experience, and the other ada experience but tidak menyedarinya... Sigh.. but that's where i came in to guide them.

The kind of students
Talking about students, Ya ampun, segala jenis mak nenek ada.. hahahahaha
nenek kebayan pun ada kihkihkih

Atuk kebayan tak yah ckp laaa...

Kaki bodek memang ramai. Lepas exsm.habis semuanya hilang entah kemana. Well you can read the sincierity  there right. Yang ikhlas yang tak ikhlas.mcm mcm lah.

I just need to becareful lah...

Yang bnyk songeh pun ada. Peel mcm mcm hahaha 

Well this is a jouney where i think made me grow with all this kind of persngai i encountered. Peringatan utk diri sendiri and all. 

Dream Job - Part 1

Being a lecturer is my dream job. Eh.. bukan housewife ke? LOL !!   Speaking of Housewife, while I was doing my PhD in Adelaide, I pretty much took care of myself alone. Like Cook, Clean, Laundry, groceries shopping and all. Life is no princess , no chaperone like in Malaysia. Princess ke? Princess la sangattt. Yeah like in Malaysia, my mom ada bibik which voluntarily help me with my laundry, ironing my scarves and all. My mom make sure that bibik followed me everywhere. Not that she doesn't trust me but M mom got this paranoid thing. So, since we malas nak argue or cari dosa, follow je laah.. Of course Bibik doesnt mind the extra pocket money and top up card hehehehe Eh tadi kata voluntarily...  I absolutely had nothing against doing things on my own while in Adelaide. I love to cook, in fact, My mom has surrendered her Chief Cook position at home for me. Bibik usually felt guilty when i cook as she said it is her duty, but i love to cook ,so no big deal. I was also so inspired to become a housewife when I read blogs about SAHM and stuff. Not to mention the housewives I met and became friends with. And another reason is because of Akhirah. I read a book about being a muslimah , a wife and a mother. Because I love to procrastinate while doing PhD LOL !!!, i find reading all the islamic stuff interesting and it made me closer to my religion ( not that I am not close to ALLAH before, but just the regular 5 times praying kadang kadang tak cukup pun).

I then realized that what a small human being I am without my investment in my Akhirah. Stuff I read began to haunt me, like how being a good wife to a husband, constant prayers, give birth to your husband's baby and all, you can choose your way to enter Jannah. And also, by giving birth to a baby, you get a lot of pahala and all that stuff. I began to question why am I doing my PhD when it is only achievement on Duniah. My akhirah is zero. So, I was devastated, I was so down. Allah knows.

The thought of me wanting to become a housewife without a husband is also daunting me. I am not pretty , face wise, not marketable, people dont fall in love with me at first sight. In fact first impression would usually be " geees... what a scary lady" or " geeessss, what's wrong with her face?" or even "Geeessss, is this lady handicapped ?" I don't have a supermodel body either. But ALLAH created me like what I am suppose to be, short, fat and stout , like a Penguin. Hehehehehehe... I don't match a guy's criteria for a wife which would usually be gorgeous, thin, slim or slender. Coming from a Javanese (Bogor) and Iranian from my Father's side, and Indian and Arab from my mother's side, the build up of my body pretty much followed my father's side, short and stubby hehehehe So the guys I usually stumble upon ( Oh ALLAH !! why...why? hep !! Husna!! it is a sin to do that !!!) always look forward for gorgeous , slim and slender ladies to mengorat. So , there goes my chance, down the drain.

So , as much as I want to be a housewife, get loads of pahala with my 'husband' guiding me , doing all the religious things together like my parents did, be a good wife and stuff and enter Jannah, has now gone down the drain.

 I had this moment when I was in the middle of my PhD journey, "Maybe I should ran away to the UK, marry a cab driver and sit quietly there and collect my pahala and enter jannah" Hahahaha Crazy kannn.... But then, Allah is Great, I guess, because of my constant crying and praying, it then appears in my heart and mind that, I am a daughter to my parents, and i should serve my parents first, even if my Pahala does not match those married ladies and all. I regained my strength and completed my PhD although being a housewife is still kinda of still on my mind hahahaha . Tapi tak de husband, sapa nak tanggung ? may be i can be those online entrepreneur ke hahaahahaha

Alhamdulillah, I am now lecturing, although just a part timer for the time being, I believed that ALLAH has installed the rezeki and reward for each of us. I am sure there are ups and downs of being whatever you want to be, but if you are happy with it, then that's it. ( i remembered crying in front of Kaabah, praying to ALLAH, asking ALLAH to make way for me to further my Masters (specifically in UiTM with the Young Lecturer's Scholarship and then specifically for me to become a lecturer in Business Faculty of Shah Alam, specifically !!! Alhamdulillah I got what i wanted but there's a price to it).

At the end of the day, ALLAH is great, ALLAH knows best. What ever you wished for, might not be good for you and what ever you think is not good for you might be the BEST. So, I may not stand a chance to be a housewife or become a wife to somebody, but I guess, Lecturing is also noble enough for me to gain all the pahala ( when my students are all good and tak buat perangai hahahaha but when they drive me up the walls, Grrrrrr !@#$%& LOL !!!) and I also a daughter to my parents, remember ? hehehe

THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A PhD STUDENT

NO LONGER  A PhD STUDENT (updated on 1st of June 2015 ! yeeeHAAAA )


This post is gonna be here till the end,

and until then, Don't ever ask me the following question because it is not nice ;)

and one more question i am kinda allergic to is "Bila nak balik?" "Bila nak habis?"

heee, seriously, no offence, teeeheeee....

Have a good day everyone !!! 

;)

Thank you

From top Left, 

1. My support system - needless to say more 😊✌️ Not forgetting my extended family (Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, nephew and nieces) 

2. Both my Backbone and support system. Mak, Marian, Me, Keith (my Atuk/ Co.supervisor) and Ba. Photo credit : farhan

3. My furry buddies - Che Puteh , my great buddy since diploma, she died in August 2014 of old age.She's 13. Belle (2012) , Pingu (2014) and Aboo (2014) whom I lost along the way. My roommate , Hitler and cheeky Cleo. 

6. Workstation at NILS - piles of books and journals, cracking the head to write 'stuff'. Thank you LLalainey, Linda and Lulu for the support and help. (I miss our laksa session) Thank you Pak Guard / Security of Flinders University, for the late night ride home, accidental Lock out and dysfunctional after hour pass. 

4. This is not my only photo with Marian this is the only photo of me and her on FB hahahahaha. Taken on my birthday in 2011, Marian threw me a surprise birthday during the seminar where I presented my progress report. She asked Liana to help set it.😂😂😂😂. Not forgetting Pi-Shen in Pink t-shirt, whom never fail to make me feel like home because of his Singaporean accent hehehe 

4. Marian showing the carrots from her garden. She cooked carrot soup that night with potatoes also from her garden. I had a good time staying at her place during Ramadhan 2013 to crack the first draft (the thesis was 400 pages and it was really 'heavy and dry' ! nanges la siapa yang baca 😂😂😂!) 

5. Another form of 'support system' or MUST HAVE in the fridge at home and in the office hahaha most of the time ended up feeling Gassy and bloated lalu kena kontrol kalau nak Kentut hahahaha kalau tak officemate boleh pengsan 😝✌️

6. my 'Suka duka kami harungi bersama'. Baik pergi berjalan jalan naik PIMPAM PEMPOT, baik Pergi women's and children's hospital utk Laser treatment, pinjam kereta utk Girls only activity and left amirul behind, endless trip to Marion and halal butcher, makan/tgk movie kat laptop/Uno sessions,lepak kat Community center DJV lawan main scrabble and Rock Band hahahahaha Pak Tua, Malam dalam angin Kencang, Usop, usin, mak tam and Ismah , you guys rocks!!!! Not forgetting my officemates Linda, Llainey and Lulu.  And then,  my DJV gurls Dr Kak Za, Dr. Kak zatul , Dr Kak Nita, Dr Hanim, Zie, Liana, Farhanah, Fazeila and Nadia Jude. My adelaide sweetheart, Alia, Hazreel and Qaqa and a few others whom I can't mention here but you know who you are.

7. The most recent email I got (that finally didn't give me any goosebumps at all) , from my greatest Supervisor of all, although she kept me for almost 7 years 😝✌️. But it was worth it. Taught me about ups and downs of life, the meaning of sacrifice, Love (husband and wife, parents - children,siblings and friends), of how you must go on even if you're stuck in a puddle full of S**T. Most importantly, she believed that I can do anything!! That I can cross the hurdle and she kept supporting till the end. A great supervisor,mentor and friend. 

And Thank you to all whom is reading this piece of mind, for the support given , shown, not shown directly or indirectly 😝✌️

Changes in Life

Phew !!! (Dusting the dust on my Blog ;p )

My last post was in August 2014, in Adelaide. I can almost feel the cool winter air in my small one bed flat in FMC flat. Oh wait, that's just my current temperature in my room, with full blast aircond at 16 degree. LOL !!! (Malaysia's been on a series of heatwave )

I left Adelaide again in September, 2014 after my Thesis submission. Finally !!!! after almost 2 years of delay. I couldnt express how relief I am when Marian sent me that email saying that, the thesis is good to go. HOWEVER, she expected that there will be a MAJOR correction for my Thesis.
-___-' (such a 'good' motivation but I DONT CARE !! I wanna submit !!!) Although Atuk did not think so. He told me that I should take another month to review my thesis. Enough is enough Atuk, my tears streamed down immediately when he told me that i should take another month. I told him, the money in my account is not multiplying by itself hahahaha. Although he said he could give me some fund to stay, I refused. I WANT to submit already !!!! PLEASEEEE !!!!  plus the Legal department in my Uni in Malaysia had sent me "THAT' letter. Matilamak nak oiiii !!! Finally, on that fine Monday morning. Eh ? Fine Ke?? not so fine, it was VERY windy that  my Chocolate milkshake duckscarves wrapped my face not once and not twice but 4 times. I was VERY windy and spitting that day and I finally submitted my thesis. Alhamdulillah !!! it was a HUGE relief. I had been through a lot and i hope and wish nobody else will go through what i have gone through.

Fast forward to December, Marian told me that one of the examiner replied with Minor correction. Which was shocking and unbelievable but Alhamdulillah.... Sujud Syukur !!! and by the end of December another examiner replied saying that he needed more time with my Thesis. Aiyooookkk !!! Cuak beb !! Is this where the Major corrections comes in? But the truth is, this examiner is from Malaysia and he took a new year break because he later replied with Minor Corrections. Alhamdulillah !! Sujud Syukur !!! I've passed my PhD !!! (of course la Minor Correction. It took me like what? 6 years to complete mine, Dr OT once mentioned, if it took you 3 years to complete your thesis, and the result is Minor correction, then you can be considered Hebat, but if it is Major correction, it is okay because 3 years is not long. But if it took you 6 years to do your thesis and it is Major correction, then something is wrong !!! so the my minor correction is nothing, tak la sehebat mana pun, memang sepatutnya pun minor kannnn...

It is such an indescribable feeling. I don't know if i was happy, relief or excited. I couldn't tell. I only remembered the tears as I called my mom because she was in Penang taking care of my sick Aunt. The feeling is Neutral. It is not that it does not have any meaning, but I guess, there's no excitement already, because it has been too long that I was being disowned by my university. It felt almost like being divorced and I became gila talak (not that i had been through such thing hehehe but it almost felt like so). My brother kept telling me to move on and look for some other place that would appreciate me better but my organization engagement towards my university is very strong that the organization commitment is unbreakable. Cewahhh !!!

It was my dream to serve the university, and to help equip my nation to face the future working life. The most important thing is that I love to teach, more of taking actually !!! Dari kecik memang suka pot pet pot pet pot pet kannn.... LOL !!

As for now, I am paid by the hour for part time lecturing and at the rate things are going, I am considered underpaid. but because I simply love what I am doing, I am Happy walaupun, berikat perut jugak la...  No branded clothes, handbags, or shoes. Semua cap ayam je or in a league of its own like some Aussie brand and brands that are not popular in Malaysia.

Allah only gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers. Handling a PhD with a moving target ( my subject) along with portwine stain on tow is not an easy thing. And having to be disowned by your university for technical and administrative reason ( disowned in 2013 and i only got to know the real reason in 2015.. GREAT!! Yaaa Hoooo), is also a TEST. But what kept me strong is my parents, my siblings, and my ayat seribu dinar, my dhuhas and my Al Mathurat. I don't know how long i can sustain this feeling but I will have to keep on being strong. Insyaa ALLAH

Alhamdulillah, the PhD is mine now.

I'm now Dr Husna. <--- changes="" itu="" je="" nye="" p="" pun..="">
(The feeling is still neutral and I was numb during my graduation ceremony. There 's no feeling although it moved me when Alia told me that she saw my mom wiped happy tears when I was on stage.)

But I am pretty much the same old me, the lousy - most cracked person on earth.

I can scrape off 'PhD' from my bucket list and proceed with others now..

will membebel more in next post hehehehe