Troubled

i am deeply troubled by something yesterday..
Kinda sad though, but I know and I believe ALLAH knows best...

Tried to clam myself down with every words of motivations, Surah Al QUran,
Zikir and etc...

Alhamdulillah, but it is not easy to forget and let go
BUt how bad it is, how i don't want to accept it or how i CAN'T accept it,
ALLAH KNOWS BEST...
Who am i to defy it

As I've mentioned before, i am tired to fight for it,
I do not want history to repeat itself,
It's painful, very painful..
I dunno why and how i ended up this way again.
Allah put it that way, be it that way then,
I'll accept it as it is... I have no choice

Yes, there's a reason of why it happen.
To make me strong,
To make me tough,
BUt.. BUt...
Haihhhhh....
Still, the reason that i can give myself is
Maybe it's not the right time and stuff...

After all the surah and Zikir,
I started cleaning up.
Cleaning up every inches of the room,
Sorted things to be shipped,
Clothes to leave behind,
Books and what's not
I guess , that's how i mend a broken heart

ALLAH, please do provide me with all the strength to carry on,
having to numb the heart or act like nothing happen is indeed impossible,
but i will try with you help Ya ALLAH...
Amin...

hah !! the oven's timer just rang, my tandoori chicken niblets are ready, my chicken soup with chinese noodle is simmering on the stove, and some rencah mee goreng from yesterday also is on the stove..

Now tell me who's gonna eat all these? Not me for sure.. ( tahap kronik ni, After the surah QUran, Zikir, songs, Cleaning up and then cooking some more... still, what happens in the heart remains in the heart.....)

;(