The PRESSURE in ON !!!

I must admit, at this age especially, I am truly, deeply, touched when it comes to love life issue, Marriage and family matters. Again, I admit ! I am being honest here. I envied my close circle of frens who got married to their one and only first love or even second or third boyfriend ( it doesn't matter, anyway) ( my love life has gone down the drain and I was the one to be blamed). The beautiful kids they have... ( my statistician told me, "you say they are cute, beautiful, wait till they scream at you late at night !".. haha I dun only have beautician, hair dresser,gyneacologist, i also now have a statistician... LOL !)

Once I told myself, it's okay, my rezeki is in this field, while my friends are pregnant with their second or third child, I am 'Pregnant" with my third Degree... a PhD..(a piece of paper). But, I also have some friends, who have it all, you name it, They are gorgeous, married with kids, have good, supporting husband, hav a good career prospect in Uni, they are also doing their PhD. You see, they are all rounder. ALLAH gave them everything, Alhamdulillah cukup semuma. While my frends are investing in their saham Akirat, me ? What about me? hehehe I only have  my Mum and Dad ( that's everything) their love and support for me from a far, and my bunch of files full of certificates and qualifications hehehehe not to forget the thesis, i am not even close to a normal human being, i have loopsided face,uneven lips,one small eye and unbalanced nose ( I am thnkfull with all i have, syukur to ALLAH i am not Blinded, muted or anything else)... May be I made a mistake of reading the book years ago that told me about how a married muslimah, who is faithful to her husband, cook, and do everything, give birth to the husbands' child, keep up with solah and fasting will get to choose their doors to the jannah...Oh my God...Ya ALLAH.. how beautiful is that.... Jangan kata i tak bersyukur pulak.. I am thankful with all that i have, ALWAYS... may be for now, menumpang kasih pada anak anak saudara, menumpang kasih Ibu dan bapa, berbakti pada Ibu bapa, berbuat baik sesama adik beradik dan sesama insan is the only thing for me.May be that's the only thing ALLAH wants me to do. ALLAH knows best.and I kinda forgot how lucky i am, none of my parents put the pressure of getting married on me..

I know i am in deeep preasure, Stress right now.. Yesterday, someone from my dept in NI*s, submitted her PhD. when asked how long did she take to complete everything, ( obviously it's not me who asked hehehe), she answered, 5 years.. OMG, whatttt ??? 5 years? and here I am, busting my butt out, squeezing every drop of my brain, to complete this PhD of mine in 3 and half years ???!!! and HAVE to do it in 3 and half years !!! and english is not even my first language.. I doubt myself, i can finish.. even the people here took 5 years to complete their PhD... I am feeling the PRESSURE !!!! HELP !!!! can i have my Cats, mommy , daddy and KAKAK now... hehehehe

But then, i  pull myself together...ALLAH knows best...may be I am not chosen to feel the nikmat of other things or I just don't know what's installed for me in the future or I am just having this feeling at the wrong time...One step at a time...what we get is what ALLAH thinks is best for us.. ye lah, bila emo je start to think benda yang bukan bukan, padahal apa yang dapat dah cukup baik dah...kan...

Okay, now, Cik Skuna, please SMILE, and sila sambung menulis thesis anda...

I hope ALLAh will always guide me and give me all the strength that i need...
InsyaALLAH , Aminn...